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[personal profile] almost_adopted

My dearest Laura, I'm leaving this letter with Rachel to give to you after I'm gone.

I'm far away now. In a quiet, beautiful place.

Please forgive me for not saying goodbye before I left.

Be well, Laura.

Don't be too hard on the sisters.

And Laura, about James... I know you hate him because you think he isn't nice to me, but please give him a chance.

It's true he may be a little surly sometimes, and he doesn't laugh
much. But underneath he's really a sweet person.

Laura... I love you like my very own daughter.

If things had worked out differently, I was hoping to adopt you.

Happy 8th birthday, Laura.

Your friend forever,
Mary



In my restless dreams, I see that town.

Silent Hill.

You promised me you'd take me there again someday.
But you never did.

Well, I'm alone there now...

In our "special place"
Waiting for you...

Waiting for you to come to see me.

But you never do.

And so I wait, wrapped in my cocoon of pain and loneliness.

I know I've done a terrible thing to you. Something you'll never forgive me for.

I wish I could change that, but I can't.

I feel so pathetic and ugly laying here, waiting for you...

Every day I stare up at the cracks in the ceiling and all I can think about is how unfair it all is...

The doctor came today. He told me I could go home for a short stay.

It's not that I'm getting better. It's just that this may be my last chance...

I think you know what I mean...

Even so, I'm glad to be coming home. I've missed you terribly.

But I'm afraid James. I'm afraid you don't really want me to come home.

Whenever you come see me, I can tell how hard it is on you...

I don't know if you hate me or pity me... Or maybe I just disgust you...

I'm sorry about that.

When I first learned that I was going to die, I just didn't want to accept it.

I was so angry all the time and I struck out at everyone I loved most. Especially you, James.

That's why I understand if you do hate me.

But I want you to know this, James.

I'll always love you.

Even though our life together had to end like this, I still wouldn't trade it for the world. We had some wonderful years together.

Well this letter has gone on too long so I'll say goodbye.

I told the nurse to give this to you after I'm gone.

That means that as you read this, I'm already dead.

I can't tell you to remember me, but I can't bear for you to forget me.

These last few years since I became ill...I'm so sorry for what I did to you, did to us...

You've given me so much and I haven't been able to return a single thing.

That's why I want you to live for yourself now.
Do what's best for you, James.

James...

You made me happy.
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Laura Ambrose

August 2011

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